Moms, Here Is How to Have Your Baby Your Way
What to do when you feel options are limited
By Mikaela Wainwright, BSN, RN
It is time! Your baby is on its way. You will soon have a little one to hold in your arms, whether you are being induced or laboring naturally. You have survived your pregnancy, and it is time to deliver! As beautiful as childbirth can be, it can also be painful and scary. Studies show that close to 50% of women are afraid of childbirth. Whether it is a lack of confidence, knowledge, or support, childbirth can be one of the most physically and mentally demanding things a mother can go through. But for most birthing moms, it is well worth it.
I have been a labor and delivery nurse for several years, and if I have learned anything from attending a mother’s delivery, it is that nothing goes according to plan. If you think toddlers can be stubborn, a newborn making its debut into the world is another spectacle.
As moms bringing this fragile new life into the world, we want everything to be just right. How we envision our birth can help our minds feel at ease and relaxed because it is all going how it should be. But what if it doesn’t? What if you develop pre-eclampsia and have to be induced? Or what if the doctor runs you back for emergency surgery? We don’t like to think about these things, but it doesn’t mean they couldn’t happen. But there are still ways, even in these instances, that you can find ways to have the experience you want, even when things seem out of your hands.
Causes of a Negative Birth Experience
No one wants to have a negative birth experience, and the labor and delivery staff do not want you to have one, either. Our goal is to bring your baby into the world as safely as possible and advocate for you and your needs in the hospital. When surveyed, many women feel that the leading causes of their negative experiences are complications (mother and/or child), ‘not being seen or heard,’ and the feeling of loss of control or pain. Although unforeseen complications may arise, there are many ways that you can advocate for yourself and your experience.
Utilizing your nurse is one of the best ways to have a positive birthing experience. If you feel you are not being heard, communicate with the nurse. That is what we are here for. And if you still do not feel heard, ask for the charge nurse or the manager. Do not be afraid to speak up for yourself and your baby. If you choose, communicate your wants and needs with your family! Fathers and grandmothers can be excellent sources of support, and they will advocate for your needs when you feel like you cannot.
Some Things to Add to Your Birth Plan: Do It Your Way!
What to Read
This is one of the most significant advice I could give you. Research! Educate yourself! Do not read just one article or book, but familiarize yourself with the birth process and prepare for what it will look like. There are several books that I loved reading through when I was pregnant:
The Natural Pregnancy Book by Aviva Jull Romm
The Crunchy Mom’s Hands on Guide to Pregnancy by Dr. Brenda Fairchild DC, CACCP
Home Birth on Your Own Terms by Heather Baker
Now, I know these books may sound crazy (Crunchy Mom? Home Birth?), and they may not be for everyone. Even if you are going to deliver in the hospital, there is a lot of information to glean about exercise, dieting, and the realities of pregnancy. I see mothers who have not been informed by their doctors and have no family telling them what is going on with their bodies, and they are just mortified and afraid of labor and delivering a baby. When you anticipate what is in front of you, you will already be ten steps ahead to a calmer, more pleasant labor.
Relax and Stay Awhile
Get comfortable! Bring your pillow and ask the nurse if you can wear your labor gown. When I was being induced for preeclampsia, my husband brought me my pillow, and I almost cried because the smell of home was so comforting. Dim the lights. Those bright hospital lights will only need to be on in case of an emergency and most likely during the birth. You can ask your physician or nurse if you can have dim lights during delivery, but most of the time, they will need the big lights to see everything happening. Bring a heating pad or a fan. Labor is hard work! You will likely get hot so a cool fan will feel nice on your face.
Utilize a birthing ball and walk around as much as possible (if your hospital has wireless monitors available, use them). The more you move and focus less on the pain of those contractions, the smoother and quicker labor will seem. It may seem backward, but the way to dilate is to relax your body. If you tighten up, those muscles will not want to open to allow that baby to come. So whatever way you can relax during those contractions, do that! During my labor, I made sure to have headphones and music to sing or breathe along with the song.
If you need to be induced for any reason, ask your physician what options there are for induction. Depending on the situation, there are IV, oral, or vaginal medications available. You can also ask the physician if you can monitor your baby intermittently rather than continuously. This will give you more mobility and freedom to move around the room.
Time to Push
Let’s talk pushing positions. Lots of moms lately want to avoid pushing on their backs. Ask your nurse or physician if that is an option for you. Whether lying on your side or in a squatting position, lying on your side allows the pelvis to open, and the baby may have an easier time getting through.
Though physicians may have reasons why pushing on the back is preferable, do your own research and decide what you feel most comfortable with for your delivery. You may not even know until it is time to push! Your instincts will kick in, and nature will take its course.
Other Things to Consider
Immediate skin-to-skin: Nurses can assess while the baby is on your chest unless there is an emergency.
Delayed cord clamping: Again, unless there is an emergency, the baby will be fine being connected for a while longer.
Limit visitors: Do not let anyone bully you into being at the birth. This is a special moment between you and your baby. Take those moments! Get into that headspace you need to have that baby.
Special Note for a C-Section Delivery
Surgery can be one of the most intimidating and scary things out there. And the thought of being awake through it all, impossible! But it doesn’t mean your birth can’t be any less unique since it all happens behind a blue curtain. Even though you may not be pushing a baby out, being as calm as possible is still crucial to your experience. Here are a few things that you can request so that your mind can be at ease during delivery:
Have someone with you if it is possible. Having a supporting presence can make all the difference!
Ask the physician if you can listen to your music: even if there are no speakers, have the music beside your ear so you are not focused on everything around you.
Ask the physician to show you your baby once he or she is born. Unless there is an emergency, the physician could spare a few minutes to show you your little one’s face!
Even if things go according to plan, delivering a baby will always be intense and a little scary. It is essential to educate yourself. Ask for advice from experts and those around you. Research as much as possible to anticipate changes when things go awry and stay calm. Make your birth plan known, whether you have it written down, committed to memory, or tell all your family and friends. Discuss your plan with each nurse and see what is available to you. Stay calm and breathe. Your baby will be here soon enough!
